Monster Moods

Inner beauty and the beast

We experience our lives through the filters of our moods. How we feel about ourselves is reflected in our moods. Like the chicken and the egg, it is hard to tell which comes first, the self or the mood. We may be in a bad mood and start thinking bad things about ourselves, or we may start thinking bad things about ourselves and fall into a bad mood. Bad moods and negative self-talk can perpetuate themselves and spiral into monster moods like depression and rage.

We like to think of our moods as our own personal experience, but moods are socially contagious and carry momentum. A person in a really bad mood will feel antagonized when confronted with cheery people. An angry person will lash out and create bad moods all around. This kind of interaction is what may turn a person in a monster mood into a mood monster.

We have all encountered mood monsters in our lives, and we have all been mood monsters. In extreme cases, mood monsters are abusive and self-destructive. They cause physical and psychological harm to themselves and others. If somebody in excessively bad moods is abusing you, I recommend looking for outside help to protect yourself. In more moderate cases, awareness of monster moods can help you respond with compassion to save yourself from becoming a mood monster. This awareness can also protect you from others who sulk and rage around unconsciously in their foul moods.

A compassionate response is key to negotiating among mood monsters. When somebody in a bad mood approaches you, as feel tension building, take a breath. An aware breath centers you. Next, intentionally engage compassion. Assess what is wrong and what could make it better. If it takes several breaths to assess, sometimes that is enough to let a mood pass. Remember, deep breaths are more effective at letting your own moods pass than other people’s. Even so, being calm and quiet creates a space for a mood, and sometimes that space is enough to let it move on.

When somebody approaches you in a terrible mood, you may know what’s causing it, and might have some ideas about what could help. If you are very familiar with another person’s moods, you might also know what could make it worse. The trick to dealing with other people’s moods is to manage your own mood. Because moods are contagious, being aware of another person's mood, can help you build awareness of you own moods and how they interact.

Patterns are the regular way moods trigger each other. To change patterns, notice what is happening and respond in a different way than usual. If you don’t already do this, taking conscious breaths as you consider how to respond to mood induced tensions, is itself a novel response that can break old patterns.

If you feel stuck in a monstrous mood, or worry that you may be a mood monster, breathe compassionately for yourself and consider beauty. Think of anything beautiful, anywhere. Don’t think about how you look, think about something you find beautiful. In your mind’s eye, picture that thing you find exceptionally beautiful. Take a few breaths as you appreciate the beauty in the beautiful thing you imagined. That beauty, that you conjured and perceived is your inner beauty. It is very tangible. Inner beauty is not only the beautiful things you imagine, it includes all the beauty you perceive everywhere. Connecting with that beauty, owning it, resting in it, revisiting it, appreciating it, becoming familiar with it will stop a lot of the negative self-talk that feeds bad moods. It also stops the bad moods that feed the negative talk. Beauty eh?